Dealing With The Doldrums

It has been several weeks since I last presented our burden for Flagstaff at a church. We have been parked by our home church in Santa Fe, Tx. and truly enjoying the fellowship of our pastor and members as well as visiting with our family in the Houston area. It has also been in some ways the most difficult time I have had as a missionary on deputation. We have been through tough finances, we have found ourselves in places we could not have imagined, we have been lost and late several times but this is the first time we have been stalled. There is no wind in our sails and no clouds on the horizon. It is not something I remember any missionary talking about while I was a pastor and so wonder is it just me or is this a common part of deputation? 

I am not writing this to complain or to try and drum up a few appointments (though if that happens I’ll not turn them down.) I am writing to share this experience with other missionaries in the hopes of encouraging some and finding encouragement as well. The questions of worry and self-doubt are the worst. Am I making enough phone calls? Is there something I’ve done or someone I’ve offended? Is this the way the Lord tells you that you’re not fit to be a missionary? Maybe I’m just a lousy preacher and no one wants to hear me preach. How do you get past church secretaries and voice mail? And then there are the other questions outside yourself. Is the economy so bad that pastors are afraid to take on a missionary now? Are home missions not going to be fully supported by independent Baptists? Have we come to the place that there are not enough independent Baptist churches to support the number of missionaries we have on the field? 

The problem with all the questions is that you won’t and can’t find an answer. (Though I’m sure some of you would and could answer the one about me being a lousy preacher.) There is no budget amount to see how many missionaries we can afford. There is no real accounting of how many independent Baptist churches there are. There is no definitive way of comparing home missions support to foreign missions support. So you are left with questions but more importantly you by necessity are also left with faith. 

Once I realize this then the questions change. Do I really believe God wants us to start a church in northern Arizona? Yes, I believe it. Do I really believe that God will provide the means even if I fail on deputation? Yes, I believe it. Do I really believe that churches are desperately needed in thousands of towns and cities all across the United States? Yes, I believe it. Do I really, personally believe that God has commissioned his people to Go, Disciple and Teach? Yes, I believe it. So then we, His called and chosen, start in faith, continue in faith and end in faith. Faith is the wind that must stir our stilled sails and bring us through the becalmed seas of doubt and back into the journey that God has called us to complete. I think I'm already feeling a breeze.